Inhale, relax, repeat

I’m feeling stupidly anxious now. I know the black cat…does that make it any less unlucky? I think he did it just because he hates me. >; (

…when you’re staring at some REALLY GODDAMN COMPLICATED molecular biology crap for hours and hours, feeling more and more frustrated that you can’t figure it out, wondering if you’re gonna drop out of your course and thus have wasted the 1.4k tuition for the semester…and then you work it out.

It was so simple, but I feel like a Goddamn genius.

I’ve been stuck inside for a week now with this cursed swine flu. I keep thinking “yeah, OK, I’m fine now”…but I’m not. I feel crap today, and I was kept awake for most of the night coughing. Not a lot of fun. I’m going stir crazy. I want to do things, rather than sitting at home hoping someone online talks to me. It’s frustrating.

On another note, I can’t believe how quickly we seem to be descending into winter now. It’s 12c right now! Last week 20c was annoyingly low. Miserable weather makes miserable Cat more miserable. : (

Talking for the sake of talking. I’m really bored at the moment, and I feel like shit, physically and emotionally. I’m also being irritated by the sound of my sister’s music, and I’m too headachey to listen to my own music. I’m in a very self-pitying mood.

I’ve been ill with swine flu now since Saturday. It was crazy. I got up in the morning and had a sore throat (which oddly kept me awake all night), but I did’t think anything of it. Sore throats happen, and mostly they’re just associted with trivial colds.

Saturday was the day I had planned on going to the Edinburgh festival. I was pretty excited about it, and I wasn’t gonna let some stupid cold ruin it. So I went there, and saw one show before I suddenly started feeling REALLY ill. I got so cold and achey and I desparatly needed to sit down.

I ended up sitting in Starbucks for like an hour and a half, shivering and feeling MASSIVELY sorry for myself. I took some paracetamol, but it didn’t do a whole lot of good. I had to come home early in the end, and did’t get to see the Piccasso exhibition I wanted to see. I’ve been in bed ever since. I”m over the worst now, but God, I have never felt so unwell as I did on Saturday night.

But da schvine flu really isn’t as bad as the media let you believe, and take that from someone with first hand experiance! I’m the first person I know to come down with it, and after 4 days I’m sitting here making a big blog post. My throat hurts, I’m pretty blocked up, my muscles ache a little and I feel very lethargic, but that’s really nothing massive. I think I will get a “I survived swine flu” tshirt.

But moving on from going on and on and on about that, I’ll talk about something else. I’ve went on about having swine flu way too much to everyone I know now. I guess I’ll have made more than a few people think “STFU”. I’M SORRY FOR WHINGING.

In my bedridden boredom I’ve done a few things. Aside from getting pissed off at never having my fucking important and urgent emails replied to (and I’m not gonna bother ranting about that here. No point in getting angry.) I’ve finished TWO books! That’s a big thing for me, you see, because I’m a pretty damn slow reader. Normally I’d take a few weeks on a book at least. I read one within two days. The font was big, but I still saw it as some kind of acehivement (no it wasn’t a children’s book, thank you). One of the books was set in Sweden, and, well, I’m planning on moving there next year. Even though it was a horror and pretty gritty and graphic, it made me want to move there even more! I can’t wait to live in Sweden, dammit! My life feels like one big waiting game at the moment. Do you ever feel like that? I’m sick of waiting on the world. Everything I want involves waiting. Why can’t the world wait on me for a change?

I’m typing really fast right now. WITHOUT MISTAKES. I really must be getting better. It feels like I have energy, though I’m sure if I was to get out of bed I’m be lying here wishing to have a nap within 4 minutes.

ANYWAY, so what else have I done over these past few days? Well, I downloaded a gameboy emulator and decided I’d see what all the fuss about the Final Fantasy games was about. Seemingly, not a lot. I’ve played a few hours of it and it’s feeling very repetative already. Are the PC/PS versions better? I like Japanease RPGs genrally, but I am anything but impressed by FF.

Apart from that, all I have done is sleep, watch random episodes of Friends and poke about on Facebook/play Mafia Wars (which is awesome by the way. You should all play it NOW). I don’t know how I’ve made it to Wednesday without losing the plot. Hopefully I’ll be able to get out of bed tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even make it down the stairs!

If I hadn’t had such a boring few days I’d be able to fill this post with a lot more (which I’m sure you’d love to read), but then again, if I hadn’t had such a boring few days, I doubt I’d be typing out a massive, pointless post anyway.

GOODNIGHT AND GOD BLESS.

PS – my spell check isn’t working. Forgive me for idiotic mistakes.

I thought I was getting better from this damn flu, but I feel 5 times worse today. My muscles are all achey again, and I’m so fucking exhausted. Maybe getting dressed was too much for my fragile body.

This is day no. 5 of the illness now. I guess I’m doing alright really considering. Some old guy my mother knows has been ill with it for 3 weeks. I should be greatful I’m young and healthy.

In other news, I made it so you have to log in to post here now. That means you have to make an account on my blog. I’m sure most of you can’t be fucked doing that, but it’d be nice if one or two of you did. I like my comments!

I forgot how much I love IRL shopping. I haven’t been shopping for a while, as I haven’t had reason to go to the city/I’ve been fixated on buying cheap CDs from Amazon, but even when it’s pouring with rain, I <3 IRL shopping.

I didn't buy much, but I did get this awesome shirt that could either make me look geeky as hell or super-cool. I was told not to buy it as it would be "too strange" to see me not in s t-shirt with a silly cartoon/picture/bright colours...but whatever. What's wrong with varying how you dress? I got CHOCOLATE BANANAS too. You never see chocolate bananas anywhere these days. Great reminder of my childhood, even though I never actually ate any until I was like...13. I got 3 books, lastly. I've been meaning to go book shopping for ages, and wanted to buy more, but I've got so many still to get through, as well as a whole pile of comic books, so I figured I didn't want to go too crazy. What I got was Sail by James Patterson, Contagious by Scott Sigler and Let the Right One In by John Advide Lindqvist. I wanted to buy some games, but I couldn’t decide on anything. I’m so picky with everything.

This post will be dull to most of you. Whatever.

I’m not updating this enough. Not that it exactly needs updating. I don’t expect people to read it regularly…I just want to express myself every now and then. I feel so ill at the moment because I haven’t been able to sleep or eat for the past two days. 1. Because it’t oo damn humid. 2. Because of my stupid medication destroying my appetite. It’s make me feel really quite depressed, and after eating a whole two oranges I feel SO much better. It’s amazing. I’m going to force a small bowl of rice down my throat before I go to bed. It’d bad enough to feel you’re wasting away, but become depressed because you’re simply not eating is terrible.

I’ve felt so detactched from everything recently. I really need to get a job. I miss the crap out of being a student already. I miss being around likeminded people. I’m looking for a smalltime job, but unless I get one in a music/book/coffee place, I’m gonna be around people who bug me/are stupid/nothing like me. Not the best way to make friends really. I have a job interview next week for a job I really don’t want. I applied for one to work in the labs at my university…well, I tried. Half my application was lost and I couldn’t be fucked retyping it. Depressing. I’m focusing way too much on my plan to go to Sweden next year. I need to think about the now too. Maybe I’m just in a weird mood because I’m so out of it. Who knows.

I’M GONNA PUKE. WHY AM I SITTING HERE? :X :X :X

Those half naked girls you see washing cars all the time lie. It’s not a ‘let’s all giggle and half fun’ occasion. It’s a ‘urgh, my migraine is getting worse and this stuff burns my delicate hands’ occasion.

The world is made of lies. MADE OF LIES.

But I dunno WTF to study.

I have an oral exam tomorrow which consists of an examiner asking me questions about anything to do with the course in order to assess what he deems I am worthy of for my degree, and I can’t study the whole damn course.

I’m thinking this means I should just not study anything. My logic is sound I tell you.