Archive for the ‘rants’ Category

Urgh

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Stress? You don’t know the meaning of the word. Right now, I sit in the common room at uni. I’m hiding from the world. I can’t be fucked working and working in the lab and getting no results. I can’t be fucked replying to the emails I’m getting about stuff I haven’t completed. I am so overloaded. People are so fucking demanding, and I can’t take it.

Earlier I was hit with the realization that Valetine’s day is next month. This made me feel worse. Much worse. I feel so alone and unloved. No one is blood interested in listening to what is boring ME. EVERYONE has something SOMEHOW worse to talk about, and I have to take it all ong and be the “strong” one while I’m really dying inside more and more each day. I can’t take it anymore. Everything in my life is stressful, and if I wasn’t in public, I’d be breaking down right now. I can’t even do that. I can’t scream and cry. I don’t have the time. I can’t vent. No one will give me their time.

You know you’re in trouble when you have constant thoughts of throwing yourself fown stairs and off bridges when you feel like crap. Being near death wouldbevery good for me now. No more stress, people would listen, and if not…well, I’d have something to take my mind off it.

Hugs would be nice. Many hugs.

Looks like high blood pressure and heart attacks are on the horizon, along with many mental disorders

Monday, January 4th, 2010

OK so here’s what my daily schedule was like before xmas…

Get up at 7am
Get bus at 8.30
Arrive at uni just before 10
Work in the lab until 6-7pm at best (often I was stuck in there until almost 8), with maybe half an hour break for a quick lunch at best
Arrive home at 7.30-8.30pm at best
Eat/shower
Get into room at 9pm at the ealiest
Write up lab book (which maybe takes half an hour) and work (I need the money desparatly this year)…maybe get some coursework done if lucky until maybe 1am at best, but most likely I’ll end up in bed between 2 and 3am.

Now I’ve just found out that the building my research group is moving to is four miles away from the main campus, right at the north of the city. My journy is expensive and long enough when I get the direct bus…but this is going to destory me. Unlike the bloody PhD students, I have classes in the main campus. How the hell do I juggle this? Travelling four miles through a big city is not easy. Fucking hell. And then there’s the extra cost. I could cry.

So I got paid today…

Friday, December 18th, 2009

YAY, right?

YAY!!

This means I can now afford Christmas presents!

Except the pay doesn’t get into my account until the 24th. :”(

Go away already : (

Saturday, September 5th, 2009

I’ve been stuck inside for a week now with this cursed swine flu. I keep thinking “yeah, OK, I’m fine now”…but I’m not. I feel crap today, and I was kept awake for most of the night coughing. Not a lot of fun. I’m going stir crazy. I want to do things, rather than sitting at home hoping someone online talks to me. It’s frustrating.

On another note, I can’t believe how quickly we seem to be descending into winter now. It’s 12c right now! Last week 20c was annoyingly low. Miserable weather makes miserable Cat more miserable. : (

Ugghhh

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

I thought I was getting better from this damn flu, but I feel 5 times worse today. My muscles are all achey again, and I’m so fucking exhausted. Maybe getting dressed was too much for my fragile body.

This is day no. 5 of the illness now. I guess I’m doing alright really considering. Some old guy my mother knows has been ill with it for 3 weeks. I should be greatful I’m young and healthy.

In other news, I made it so you have to log in to post here now. That means you have to make an account on my blog. I’m sure most of you can’t be fucked doing that, but it’d be nice if one or two of you did. I like my comments!

“True”

Saturday, August 1st, 2009

Here’s something that really bugs me…when people say “true” in response to something you have said, especially when it makes no fucking sense.

For example. “So did you do <insert task here> today?” “I was going to, but I got a headache. Instead I did <insert alternative task>” “Yeah, true”.

I know that conversation doesn’t seem particularly realistic, but I swear to you I’ve experienced it on countless occasions. So many people will say “true” response to something they know nothing about…and it drives me crazy. “I’m tired” “true”. WTF??

So yeah…don’t “true” me, people…it’s worse than “hmm…” or “uh-huh”.

The kids next door need to STFU

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

Seriously. I know it’s only 9.30, but they have some sort of toy they keep setting off and it’s so loud, and mixed with their hideously squeaky voices it just becomes super aggravating.

What puzzles me is that the kids next door are 13 and 15. Well, I say they are next door…their grandmother lives next door (the grandfather did too, but he died a few years ago. :”’() and the kids are always pushed onto her to look after. Their mother is a crazy bitch and enjoys parking her car in the way of our driveway. Maybe the annoying children drove her to this TOTAL INSANITY.

I’m not sure where this post is going, but I’ll just go with the flow. I’m starved for attention these days.

So yeah, back to discussing the neighbours. The woman next door has two children as far as I’m aware. One is the crazy bitch and one seems to be a 45 year old virgin. (I assume, I don’t know anything about him. Yes, I’m a bitch.) The children, therefore, are definitely not his, therefore must be the 13 and 15 year old. How many 13 and 15 year olds run about their grandparents’ gardens playing!? THIS MAKES ME EVEN ANGRIER. They should be getting high and having sex like the kids seem to enjoy doing these days. Or maybe they should be doing what I did when I was their age…playing with beanie babies and obsessing over Crazy Taxi on the Dreamcast. ANYTHING. I just don’t want them screaming about the garden.

Of course, this makes me wonder just how deathly annoying I was when I was younger. I loved playing in the garden. We had a swing and a slide and a sandbox and a paddling pool (God, I’m sounding like the poorly characterised autistic guy from The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night here) and lots of other stuff. I was in the garden constantly from as soon as Spring came ’til the end of Autumn. Being a child, naturally I wasn’t massively aware of the world around me…so I am sorry to say that I must have, therefore, created my fair share of noise. I had a cap gun I used to love playing with too (though I feared it and held it as far away from my face as possible, as my father told me I could deafen myself with it), which would have created a nice and horrifying din for our neighbours.

When I was a young child we had neighbours with “children” who were about the same age as I am now. Perhaps they sat in their rooms writing into their diaries (let’s remember, no blogs way back in those days!) about the fucking annoying brats next door. I’ll never know. I guess I’m a hypocrite either way.

I miss those days. Jumping into the range of a sprinkler these days just makes me cold and wet. Why wasn’t it cold when I was younger? Th same goes for the sea. I remember running into the sea as quick as possible as a child, never having to get used to the temperature. It takes me forever now. Maybe the unpleasant memories just fade faster with time.

It’s funny how much fun I had at the beach despite not being able to swim. I adored the beach. I also got emotionally attached to my airbeds. I cried one time when we had to throw one away because it wouldn’t deflate (therefore wouldn’t fit into the suitcase). That was probably the best holiday I ever had. It was only in Spain, but I had such an amazing amount of fun. After being at the beach all day I’d get something to eat then go to the hotel pool until it got dark. Everyone seemed to bore of the pool by about 5pm, so I had free roam of it.

The other thing about that particular holiday that stands out is the craze of the time…VIRTUAL PETS. When I went I already had one virtual pet. It was called Bobo and was a little anal dog that insisted on having it’s food exactly at 5pm every day and going to bed exactly at 11pm every day. Bobo liked schedule, and as fun as he was, I wanted something different…and I sure got that!

I remember buying three virtual pets during my stay, but I only recall details of two of them. The first was a total rip-off of the Nanopet, which was close behind the good old Tamagotchi in popularity. I enjoyed this one very much…until one day, during this holiday, I went to have a bath and told my sister to look after it. 20 minutes later she comes running to me showing me it had died. :”(

The second one I remember is the best. I got it at some odd market in the town. It was supposed to be a cat, but when I turned it on it seemed to be a hexagon with eyes. No matter…it would grow into a cat eventually.

The problem with the hexagon with eyes wasn’t it’s appearance…it was how to keep it alive. Every time you did something for it, it would go through an odd sequence of Chinese letters, and it would either change, stay the same or die. Thing was, deciding to clean up pee instead of poop would cause it to die. It got to the point where the thing horrified me. I kept it going, but I felt so nervous with it. I WAS A WREAK.

Virtual pets were hilarious come school time. By primary 6 I had about a dozen of them, as did my sister, and because we weren’t allowed them in school, we left them at home for our parents to look after. They knew we’d be way too upset if one died, so they got pretty stressed out looking after the 12 little bastards. They probably neglected our real live cat for them.

But I’m gibbering just a little, aren’t I? You know what though? THE CHILDREN NEXT DOOR HAVE SHUT UP. HALLELUJAH!!

Perfect timing

Monday, June 29th, 2009

So I have my big, highly-anticipated graduation ceremony tomorrow. My mother is making a huge deal of it and wants everything to be 100% perfect.

In order to ruin it, my body has decided to make me throw up twice today already, and won’t let me hold any food down. It loves me so.

I am so paranoid…

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

I’m getting the feeling that the family member I suspected of viewing my last blog has been viewing this one too. As a result, I have to resist posting anything about family. I really want to talk about something specific. Argh. >: ( This is not cool at all.

Nitendodogs-inspired rant!

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

So a few weeks ago, before I went away to the highlands, I figured I’d buy myself a new DS game, since I figured I’d be bored frequently on my trip. Of course I wasn’t bored much at all in the end, which was a good thing, because finding a decent game was damn near impossible.

You see, every store I went into pretty much only had DS games for children. Now I know there are lots of good games on the console, but I just couldn’t find them! Maybe it was just the mall I was in, but I was enraged. It was depressing. Game stores suck massive penis, and judging by the type of games they stalk, those massive penises contain sparkles and glitter.