Inhale, relax, repeat

Well, not a massive lot…but more than your average non-emo person should cry.

1. Pain. I’m very ill at the moment, with some kind of flu…and the muscles aches/abdominal pain just made me sit and sob. I’ve never been this ill before.
2. Dumbo. Yes, I cried over a kid’s movie. A lot. God I forgot how upsetting it is.
3. A book. I don’t even remember what part, but something struck me and I shed a few tears.
4. Being alone in my room. I’m pretty isolated at the moment, since my family no doubt fear being near me, incase I have the schivine flu. : (
5. Something else. I think I was way too delerious at the time to remember it.

Goodbye, backache!

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Uh…why would I leave closet doors open? To let the boogy man out?

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Yes…especially if they’re in pretty containers.

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Well, not tucked in would mean my bed wouldn’t really be made but would simply have sheets placed on top of it, no?

Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No. I want a bend sign, but I guess pinching one of those wouldn’t be such a great idea.

Do you like to use post-it notes? Not really.

Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No. Can’t be fucked saving money.

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bees…I could shut my eyes and only get superficial wounds.

Do you have freckles? Sometimes, but not many.

Do you always smile for pictures? No! I never do…though I did for graduation.

What is your biggest pet peeve? Being ignored…and noisy eating. >: (

Do you ever count your steps when you walk? No.

Have you ever peed in the woods? No.

What about pooped in the woods? No!

Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Maybe for a second or two.

Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yes!

How many people have you slept with this week? Ahaha. New guy every night.

What size is your bed? Queen.

What is your Song of the week? Uh…this Pendulum song. I hate that I like Pendulum, but yeah, it’s an awesome track.

Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Sure.

Do you still watch cartoons? Of course.

Whats your least favorite movie? I don’t tend to watch my least favorite movies.

Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? No. What would be the point?

What do you drink with dinner? Milk or coke.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup.

What is your favorite food? At the moment, olive and emantal subs.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? AIRPLANE.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I was geeky, but never THAT geeky.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Do job applications count? If not, not since I wrote an xmas list to santa.

Can you change the oil on a car? I should be able to, but I don’t think I could…

Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No.

Ran out of gas? No.

Favorite kind of sandwich? I already said this!

Best thing to eat for breakfast? The sandwitch, aha.

What is your usual bedtime? Between midnight and 3am.

Are you lazy? Not genrally.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Lots of stuff. Vampire, sketelon, dinsaur, Power Ranger. My costumes were awesome.

What is your Chinese astrological sign? Don’t you mean Chinease birth year animal? If so, rabbit, I think.

How many languages can you speak? One!

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope.

Which are better legos or lincoln logs? WTF is a lincoln log? And it’s lego, not legos!

Are you stubborn? Nope.

Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Eh…

Ever watch soap operas? Yes. : (

Afraid of heights? Not at all.

Sing in the car? No.

Dance in the shower? No way! I’d be way too scared of slipping.

Dance in the car? Uh…I move my fingers a bit on the wheel sometimes…

Ever used a gun? NO!

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Few months ago. Class graduation photo. It was outside and raining…and very humid. Not a pretty photo!

Do you think musicals are cheesy? Some can be.

Is Christmas stressful? Yes. But it’s worth it.

Ever eat a pierogi? No idea what that is.

Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple. Boring, I know.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Cartoonist, cop (for a very small while) and vet!

Do you believe in ghosts? Kind of. Long story.

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes. Many times.

Take a vitamin daily? I try! Thanks for reminding me!

Wear slippers? In winter.

Wear a bath robe? Same as above.

What do you wear to bed? At the moment, pyjama bottoms/shorts and a random tshirt.

First concert? Reel Big Fish.

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Well, I’ve only ever been to Wal-Mart, so…

Nike or Adidas? :x Addidas.

Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos. No idea what Fritos are.

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds.

Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No.

Ever take dance lessons? Nope.

Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No. I’m not gonna pick sombody because they have a specific job. As long as they’re not a scientist. That’s be creepy. Couples with similar professions are creepy.

Can you curl your tongue? Nope.

Ever won a spelling bee? God no. I took until I was about 20 to spell “which” properly.

Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes. Awesome feeling.

Own any record albums? No.

Own a record player? No.

Regularly burn incense? No.

Ever been in love? Sadly so. Thank God I’m over that.

Who would you like to see in concert? BAD RELIGION.

What was the last concert you saw? World/Inferno Freindship society (a whole 5 minutes of them).

Hot tea or cold tea? Cold. <3 iced tea.

Tea or coffee? Well, I prefer the smell of coffee…

Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sugar…stop mentioning American shit!

Can you swim well? No. I might as well have no arms where swimming is concerned.

Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes…

Are you patient? Not at all.

DJ or band, at a wedding? Band.

Ever won a contest? No.

Ever have plastic surgery? No.

Which are better black or green olives? Green!

Can you knit or crochet? Nope.

Best room for a fireplace? Living room.

Do you want to get married? I guess so.

If married, how long have you been married?

Who was your HS crush? I had quite a few , y’know.

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No. My sister does though. Argh, so annoying.

Do you have kids? No!

Do you want kids? Sure.

Whats your favorite color? Black.

Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.

Did you watch, Next Great American Band on FOX? -_-

That’s the name of a Virgin Black song, which are one of the most fucking painfully heartwreanchingly depressive bands you are ever likely to experiance. Here’s a Youtube video for proof:

Anyway, I am suffering. I feel like shit, and it’s becoming harder to repress every day. What makes it harder is that I can’t let it out. If I get emo I’ll affect people I REALLY don’t want to affect…people I want to be happy and carefree and not worrying about me. I’m not going to vent here about what is bothering me, because very few people could offer comfort, and venting to randoms over a blog definitely won’t help me. I guess I just need to declare that I’m suffering. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe I’ll feel more meaning to my existence. Who knows. I’m speaking for the now…and right now, I just want to fall asleep until the pain goes away. The irrational, illogical, mysterious pain. Maybe I have depression, but I don’t think so, because I still have my hope, and you can’t get too deep into depression with hope, right?

So I was just poking about last.fm and stumbled across a journal on it where a guy had picked his favorite albums for every year he has been alive during. I thought this was a pretty interesting idea, so I’m gonna do the same. I’d post it on my last.fm, but even less people will read it, and I prefer my journals on there to be reviews of shows anyway. I don’t know how much depth I’m gonna be able to put into this, but here we go, a list of my favorite albums from 1987 until 2009!

1987:
Sonic Youth – Sister

Uh…according to RYM I only own one record from 1987, aha. GOOD START. That record is Sonic Youth’s Sister, so I guess that’s got to be it. -_- I gave it a 3.5/5 rating on there. I like it but if I had more than one record from 1987, I doubt it’d be on this list. >_< I prefer other Sonic Youth albums to this one...it's definatly not my favorite, but it is better than the ughish Daydream Nation (which no, is not gonna be my 1988 album, thank you), which is at least something.

1988:
Bad Religion - Suffer

Kind of a hard choice! I felt like I was gonna pick The Pixies' Surfer Rosa before I realised Suffer was released in 1988. Suffer is Bad Religion’s most well-rated record, and is adored by the fans. It’s one of the biggest punk rock records ever and always ends up in those “best punk rock albums” lists you see about the place. It’s fast paced, powerful and incredibly short (less than half an hour). It’s so surprise it’s so well-loved, and anyone who knows me could never expect me to not pick it above everything else for this year.

1989:
Pixies – Doolittle
Bad Religion – No Control

OK so I put two here. THAT’S CHEATING I hear you squeal. Well yes, yes it is…but I just couldn’t decide. I adore the Bad Religion record, but I don’t wanna put BR in every year they have a release for. No Control was totally the perfect carry-on from Suffer, and held the tone of the previous release. Doolittle is like…one of the biggest albums ever, and it keeps you totally fixated the whole way through. I’m not leaving it out because I’m obsessed with BR. That’d be unfair.

1990:
Bad Religion – Against the Grain

STFU. Not my favorite BR album, but 1990 seems to have been an unimpressive year for music, and nothing seemed better to pick for it. Against the Grain didn’t have the standard of Suffer and No Control, but it was still respectable, and still a BR classic.

1991:
Del Tha Funkee Homosapien – I Wish My Brother George Was Here

Kinda weird, someone like me actually putting a hip-hop album in here…but it definitely stood out among my other 1991 albums. I don’t ADORE it or dance along to it or anything, but I do find myself turning it up as loud as possible, appreciating the sound of hip-hop from the early 90s.

1992:
The Church – Preist = Aura
Sonic Youth – Dirty

Very hard choice. The Church’s album is EPIC (and I hate saying that word…Goddamn internet nerds) and Sonic Youth’s Dirty is my favorite of their records. It AMAZED me. I didn’t even first hear it long ago.

1993:
Bad Religion – Recipe for Hate

This is getting STUPID now, huh? The fans don’t adore Recipe for Hate as much as the other BR records I’ve put on here, but it was the first of their albums I bought, and the different sound to their other releases really gets to me. It captures me. American Jesus is on here, which may be BR’s most well-known song. It is one of my favorite BR records, so of course, naturally, I have to put it on this list. Incredible stuff.

1994:
The Offspring – Smash
Bad Religion – Stranger Than Fiction

The Offspring’s best album, without a doubt, and the record with the best sweary/angry line ever (“you stupid, dumbshit, Goddamn motherfucker”). This was The Offspring at their peak, and regardless of what you think of their images, Smash is worth checking out. You WILL be impressed. The BR record is probably one of their most hated (they released it on a major label…it’s their only major label release). It’s very poppy…but that appeals to me. Like Recipe for Hate, it’s different.

1995:
Rancid – …And Out Come the Wolves

Another album that gets into those “greatest punk records ever” lists. …And Out Come the Wolves is classic. One of my first punk records, and something that got me really into the genre. You have to listen to this!

1996:
Bad Religion – The Gray Race
Katatonia – Brave Murder Day

Ugh yes, another Goddamn Bad Religion album on the list. HOW BORING. We’ll ignore them from now on, yes? Brave Murder Day is one of the most depressing and painful doom metal records you’ll ever have the joy (or lack of joy) of listening to. This is when the band were still pretty hardcore, with screaming vocals. I like their later stuff, but I’d say this album was them at their peak. They’ll never beat it.

1997:
Mustard Plug – Evildoers Beware!
Ween – The Mollusk
The Offspring – Ixnay on the Hombre

So yeah…I put another Offspring album on here. Not as good as Smash, but damn fun! It reminds me greatly of my childhood, specifically of obsessing over Crazy Taxi. Mustard Plug is in there because it’s damn fun, catchy PERFECT ska-punk, and Ween is there because The Mollusk is a constantly exciting alternative rock album, filled with great ideas, catchy melodies and more variation than uh…a varied…thing.

1998:
Mad Caddies – Duck and Cover

…And the Mad Caddies are now born! After the not-very-impressive debut record, Duck and Cover was released, and it contains exactly what makes the band so strong; an awesome horn section. One of their best albums, and one of my damn favoriest ever.

1999:
Gogol Bordello – Voi-La Intruder
Blink 182 – Enema of the State

Not an easy pick to name. It seems 1999 was a bit shit. Blink 182 I picked because they were quite a big deal back in the day, and Enema of the State was their most fun, most typically pop-punk and most popular release. Gogol Bordello are here because, well, this was their introduction to the world. They did something a bit different to most, and their debut album is also my favorite. Listen to Sex Spider, folks. LISTEN NOW.

2000:
Green Day – Warning

My favorite Green Day album. They had gotten pretty poppy by this point, but not to the point 12 year old kids were screaming “SELL OUTS” at them.

2001:
Spooks – S.I.O.S.O.S.
Mad Caddies – Rock the Plank
Muse – Origon of Symmetry
Pennywise – Land of the Free?
Rx Bandits – Progress

BIG LIST. I can’t be fucked cutting it down. The Spooks album is my favorite hip-hop record EVER (if you’re not into hip-hop I swear you’ll still love it), the Mad Caddies album is my favorite of theirs, the Muse album I pretty much obsessed over for years (definitely their best. Makes me wish they weren’t trying to be Queen), The Pennywise album is about as heavy as punk rock gets before becoming hardcore, filled with emotive, political lyrics and the Rx bandits record is, well, Goddamn nice highly-influenced-by-reggae ska-punk.

2002:
Idlewild – The Remote Part
The Coral – The Coral

So we’ve got two records here of bands that changed from AWESOME into OK but a little boring after both of these records. Idlewild were heavy(ish) and The Coral had great psychedelic influences. If only both bands has stayed that way (especially The Coral. Idlewild as a folk band is at least still pretty good stuff).

2003:
Catch 22 – Dinosaur Sounds
NOFX – The War of Errorism
Damian Rice – O
Dropkick Murphys – Blackout
Streetlight Manifesto – Everything Goes Numb

Selection is getting VERY hard now. I’ve left out a load of stuff I adore to make this list. Catch 22’s Dinosaur Sounds is…different from all the other third wave ska about (IMO), NOFX, (again, IMO) created an awesome sound when they got all serious and angry, Damian Rice’s O is, well, FUCKING BEAUTIFUL and so so painful, and the Dropkick Murphys and Streetlight Manifesto records are just massive amounts of fun.

2004:
The Roots – The Tipping Point
Death From Above 1979 – You’re a Woman, I’m a Machine
The Faint – Wet From Birth
Flogging Molly – Within a Mile of Home

I’m getting bored. No more yabbling. I’m just posting the albums themselves for the best of this. ; (

2005:
Against Me! – Searching for a Former Clarity
Trivium – Ascendancy
4th Avenue Jones – Stereo: The Evolution of Hiprocksoul
Buck 65 – Secret House Against the World
Hard-Fi – Stars of CCTV

2006:
The King Blues – Under the Fog
Engerica – There Are No Happy Endings
I Would Set Myself On Fire For You – Believes in Patterns

2007:
Bad Religion – New Maps of Hell
Streetlight Manifesto – Somewhere in the Between

2008:
Millencolin – Machine 15
Firewater – The Golder Hour

2009:
Fake Problems – It’s Great to be Alive

And thank God that’s over!

I forgot how much I love IRL shopping. I haven’t been shopping for a while, as I haven’t had reason to go to the city/I’ve been fixated on buying cheap CDs from Amazon, but even when it’s pouring with rain, I <3 IRL shopping.

I didn't buy much, but I did get this awesome shirt that could either make me look geeky as hell or super-cool. I was told not to buy it as it would be "too strange" to see me not in s t-shirt with a silly cartoon/picture/bright colours...but whatever. What's wrong with varying how you dress? I got CHOCOLATE BANANAS too. You never see chocolate bananas anywhere these days. Great reminder of my childhood, even though I never actually ate any until I was like...13. I got 3 books, lastly. I've been meaning to go book shopping for ages, and wanted to buy more, but I've got so many still to get through, as well as a whole pile of comic books, so I figured I didn't want to go too crazy. What I got was Sail by James Patterson, Contagious by Scott Sigler and Let the Right One In by John Advide Lindqvist. I wanted to buy some games, but I couldn’t decide on anything. I’m so picky with everything.

This post will be dull to most of you. Whatever.

I’m not updating this enough. Not that it exactly needs updating. I don’t expect people to read it regularly…I just want to express myself every now and then. I feel so ill at the moment because I haven’t been able to sleep or eat for the past two days. 1. Because it’t oo damn humid. 2. Because of my stupid medication destroying my appetite. It’s make me feel really quite depressed, and after eating a whole two oranges I feel SO much better. It’s amazing. I’m going to force a small bowl of rice down my throat before I go to bed. It’d bad enough to feel you’re wasting away, but become depressed because you’re simply not eating is terrible.

I’ve felt so detactched from everything recently. I really need to get a job. I miss the crap out of being a student already. I miss being around likeminded people. I’m looking for a smalltime job, but unless I get one in a music/book/coffee place, I’m gonna be around people who bug me/are stupid/nothing like me. Not the best way to make friends really. I have a job interview next week for a job I really don’t want. I applied for one to work in the labs at my university…well, I tried. Half my application was lost and I couldn’t be fucked retyping it. Depressing. I’m focusing way too much on my plan to go to Sweden next year. I need to think about the now too. Maybe I’m just in a weird mood because I’m so out of it. Who knows.

Here’s something that really bugs me…when people say “true” in response to something you have said, especially when it makes no fucking sense.

For example. “So did you do <insert task here> today?” “I was going to, but I got a headache. Instead I did <insert alternative task>” “Yeah, true”.

I know that conversation doesn’t seem particularly realistic, but I swear to you I’ve experienced it on countless occasions. So many people will say “true” response to something they know nothing about…and it drives me crazy. “I’m tired” “true”. WTF??

So yeah…don’t “true” me, people…it’s worse than “hmm…” or “uh-huh”.