Goodbye, 2009

December 31st, 2009 by Cat

It’s been a very strange year. I don’t think I’m had more of an emotional roller coaster of a year ever. I’ve been so depressed and desperate at parts. Desperate to a level I cannot describe and would rather not try. I’ve also felt so much ecstatic joy. Eye-waterningly happy moments. Moments I’ll remember vividly for the rest of my life.

I’m not going to go through it all. But it’s been crazy. This has been a strange year. I want to think about the good stuff though. Bad shit has happened, but now, at the end, we’ve gotten through it, and we’re stronger. That’s how to look at bad stuff. I hope next year isn’t such a roller coaster, but if it is, well, at least I’ll have the good parts too.

So I got paid today…

December 18th, 2009 by Cat

YAY, right?

YAY!!

This means I can now afford Christmas presents!

Except the pay doesn’t get into my account until the 24th. :”(

Song lyrics that really touch me

November 22nd, 2009 by Cat

Most the time I kinda ignore lyrics…but sometimes they catch my attention. Sometimes they strike a chord and make me feel way more than the rest of the music does. Sometimes they can be so damn beautiful on their own. Here are my favorites.

Streetlight Manifesto – Somewhere in the Between

“You were gone when we found you
You were practically surrounded, you were trapped
But the opposition stalled, their blood ran cold
When they saw the look of love in your eyes

Maybe the times we had, they weren’t that bad
And everything else was part of the plan
We sang: “I don’t know where we go from here”
This is the alpha, omega, beginning and the end
And we all just idolize the dead

So you were born, and that was a good day
Someday you’ll die, and that is a shame
But somewhere in the between was a life of which we all dream
And nothing and no one will ever take that away

You had a love and that love had you
And nothing mattered, you were fine
And some will complain, they’re just bitter, what a shame
They know that loving and losing is better than nothing at all

Maybe the times we had, they weren’t that bad
And everything else was part of our path
We sang: “I don’t know where we go from here”
This is the anthem, the slogan, the summary of events
And we all just idealize the past

So you were born, and that was a good day
Someday you’ll die, and that is a shame
But somewhere in the between was a life of which we all dream
And nothing and no one will ever take that away

Yea the times we had, they were not that bad
And everything else was part of our plan
We sang: “I don’t know where we go from here”
This is the alpha, omega, beginning and the end
And we all just idolize the dead

So you were born, and that was a good day
Someday you’ll die, and that is a shame
But somewhere in the between was a life of which we all dream
And nothing and no one will ever take that away

And someday soon my friends, this ride will come to an end
But we can’t just get in line again ”

The King Blues – My Boulder

“ou can lean on me,
Cry on my shouder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder,

Well I ain’t never seen such a big hard bastard cry like I did that day,
He said “I lost everything that ever meant anything and I can’t go on living this way”,
He slammed his pint down on the table and said “I ain’t never drinking again”,
I put my hand on his shoulder, looked him square in the eye and I said “listen my friend,

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder

I said “If you need a place to stay you can always come over,
I’ll clean out the front room and you can sleep on my sofa”,
He said “I can only apologise if I seem out of touch,
The only reason I scream and shout is cos I care so much”,

So you can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder.

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder

(Rats!
They fought the dogs, and killed the cats,
And bit the babies in the cradles,
And ate the cheeses out of the vats,
And licked the soup from the cook’s own ladles,
Split open the kegs of salted sprats,
Made nests inside men’s Sunday hats,)

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder

You can lean on me,
Cry on my shoulder,
If I’m Obelix,
You are my boulder”

Sonic Boom Six – A People’s History of the Future

“The future’s here!
F. U. T. U. R. E.

Future, never fear
Now we’re here for the future.
Compare how the time is mine now,
So you’ve done that and been there.
Grandfather why you talking to me
About this population of a nation? You know I weren’t there.
So I hate to say
But I don’t care.

That stuff’s in the past, we can’t go back,
A people’s history is of no use to me.
A broken radio transmits how life used to be.
No tuning in the F. U. T. U. R. E.

F. U. T. U. R. E.

Back then never a lock on our door,
Not back in the war.
The kids weren’t scared, the Bobbies cared,
The criminals were fair and the beans got shared.
But then they came from across the sea,
Single-mothers suddenly got houses free
With Turkey-Twizzlers and homosexuality.
Well things ain’t what they should be.

That’s in the past, we can’t go back,
A people’s history is of no use to me.
A broken radio transmits how life used to be.
No tuning in the F. U. T. U. R. E.

That’s in the past, we can’t go back,
A people’s history is of no use to me.

Grandmother, won’t you tell another story?
Grandfather gave the best years of his life to this country
So that we could all be free from a fascist tyranny
Now he only goes and votes for BNP.
So now let’s meet it. Take stock of the past and we’ll beat it
Or otherwise we’ll just repeat it.
Woah. I said we’re the future and I meant it.
Woah. Best way to predict is invent it.

A point so simple to see. F. U. T. U. R. E.

That’s in the past, we can’t go back,
A people’s history is of no use to me.
A broken radio transmits how life used to be.
We can’t go back, a people’s history of how life used to be,
The Golden Age of life is just a story to me,
I’m looking to the F. U. T. U. R. E.”

The Starting Line – Stay Where I Can See You (yeah, lame; I know)

“For months you’ve been away,
You’re here a couple days,
I’ve got all of the time in the world,
To do with what we please,
If it were up to me,
We’d have all of the time in the world,
Just stay right where I can see you,

When you go away I get so low,
Like temperatures when they’re at their coldest,
When you go away I get so lonely,
And I’m stranded by the side of the bed,

I can name all fifty states,
Fourty-eight get in the way,
From me being next to you (From me being next to you)
If it were up to me,
We’d have everything we need,
You’d have me, and I’d have you,

Just stay right where I could be…
Anyone you want,
I’m glad I got the job,
We’ve got something in mind,
And I’ve got all this time,

When you go away I get so low,
Like temperatures when they’re at their coldest,
When you go away I get so lonely,
And I’m stranded by the side of the bed,

Just stay right where I can see you,
Just stay right where I can,
Where I can see you,

When you go away I get so low,
Like temperatures when they’re at their coldest,
When you go away I get so lonely,
And I’m stranded by the,
1! 2!

When you go away I get so low,
Like temperatures when they’re at their coldest,
Once you go away I get so lonely,
When you go away I get so lonely,
And I’m stranded by the side of the bed”

Sick Puppies – Anywhere but Here

“I held onto you
For as long as I could
But today, you fell away
Now what I hold
Are the memories we barely made
I stood on the edge of your bridge
Until I felt the rain, push me away
My confusion left me fast as the vertigo came

What I believed to be true
It was only a dream
That lived in me
I just projected it
Over your beautiful screen
I self medicated my way
Through this mess that we made
So I could stay
There was nothing, but I waited
I waited

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
So I will be traveling any place
Cause anywhere’s better than

Here we rest in peace
Rubble beneath my feet
I shouldn’t have followed you anywhere
Cause anywhere’s better than here

Where is the space I could move
Where could I rest my head
There’s nothing left for me here
It’s hard to leave behind
The one thing that made me feel alive
So I slide, from paranoid to paradise

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
So I will be traveling any place
Cause anywhere’s better than here

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
Here we rest in peace
Rubble beneath the feet
I shouldn’t have followed you anywhere
Cause anywhere’s better than here”

That’s enough for now. No one’s gonna read this. -_-

ZONKED

November 7th, 2009 by Cat

So, today I woke up with my usual throbbing great migraine. I intended to get a lot of work done today, so I was pretty pissed…especially since there was no cocodamol (which is the only painkiller I have access to that helps at all). I told my dad and he decided to give me his hxc painkillers.

Now, 4 hours later, I’m totally zonked out. THE PAIN IS GONE AND IT’S AWESOME, but I’m too out of it to work. My body feels so heavy and I’m struggling to talk. The half life of the drug is 7 hours…it’s gonna be well into nighttime before the effects are gone.

But I guess at least I’m not laying in bed, screaming inside from pain. God bless modern medicine.

A black cat crossed my path tonight

November 3rd, 2009 by Cat

I’m feeling stupidly anxious now. I know the black cat…does that make it any less unlucky? I think he did it just because he hates me. >; (

I really am getting way too skinny

October 29th, 2009 by Cat

I can feel a bone in my chest sticking out…kind of in the middle, next to where the bashed-in bit is. This is a new one. I need to eat more…but I really can’t. I feel way too sick to even eat breakfast this morning. : (

The Stress is On

October 26th, 2009 by Cat

Today is Monday. Come Friday I have to have my lab report complete, bound, checked in the plagarism software and submitted electronically as well as as two hard copies. It’s Monday and I haven’t even gotten onto the results section yet, which is the section hardest part, with the hardest part being the discussion, which I have also not done.

Tuesday and Wednesday I have a “radiation course” for the entire day. This really just gives me today and Thursday to get the report done. I barely slept last night and feel pretty ill because of it. Think I’m gonna get it done? I doubt it. I dunno how I managed to do these things every week in my third year. They are bitches.

Totally the best feeling in the world

October 20th, 2009 by Cat

…when you’re staring at some REALLY GODDAMN COMPLICATED molecular biology crap for hours and hours, feeling more and more frustrated that you can’t figure it out, wondering if you’re gonna drop out of your course and thus have wasted the 1.4k tuition for the semester…and then you work it out.

It was so simple, but I feel like a Goddamn genius.

I am never watching this show again

October 10th, 2009 by Cat

Last night I dreamt I was in an episode of Friends. Not as myself though…as Ross! I really needed to pee as well, so the storyline was that they had all moved into a new apartment together (it was supposed to be a new episode, after the apparent “end” of the series) and Ross (me) couldn’t find the toilet. >_<

I feel somewhat disturbed. There was even a part where I was talking to Rachel and thought “Oh, we’re a couple now!”. FREAKY.

There is a moral to this story

September 28th, 2009 by Cat

So today I thought I had a half hour lecture at 3.30 (well, according to my timetable), so not long before I went in I had some Red Bull, knowing that I’d get out before the “need to pee” effect came on.

Turns out it was really a 1.5 hour long lecture, and I ended up sandwiched in the middle of a row with no escape, because it was so damn busy.

So yeah, moral of the story is to be careful with your caffeine consumption.